Crucio
by Laura's Fantasia
Summary: With the Carrows in charge for their final year at Hogwarts, Brittany and Santana soon find themselves on opposite sides of an escalating war that will test their love - even their friendship - more than ever before.
1. The New Hogwarts

**So, a new HP!Brittana story, this time based during Deathly Hallows. A few things to note about this: **

**1. Angst beware. If you don't like angst, don't read this.**

**2. I've taken liberties with life at Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows since there's not a whole lot of detail - for example reintroducing the Inquisitorial Squad.**

**3. If you've read my other story Bumpy Ride, know that this is in a completely different universe and is in no way connected.**

**4. I've experimented here, with 1st person present tense. It's not how I write normally and it's come out in quite a different style - I'm not sure if I like it or not yet, but I find it's useful to try different things like this to improve my writing in general. Hopefully it turned out okay.**

The New Hogwarts

_August 1997_

"Santana!"

My shout echoes down the hallway but no response comes, so I just wander further into her house, humming a little tune. It seems like no one is here, but I know that's not right. Santana said she would be home. I peer into the kitchen as I pass it – and my feet stop without me telling them to. I can feel my heart pounding hard and fast as I stare into dark eyes, set deep into a mutilated face. Somewhere beneath the fear that has me trapped where I stand, I realise I know the man.

"Hernando!" he snarls, revealing ugly, pointed teeth but never looking away from me. It's like he's frozen me with his eyes. The spell breaks when another tall figure appears, stepping between me and the man.

"Brittany, what do you want?" Mr Lopez snaps, stepping out of the kitchen and pulling the door shut behind him.

"I… uh…" It's so hard to find words. Just last week I'd seen that scarred face on dozens of wanted posters dotted around Diagon Alley. "Th-that… that's… Greyback," I mumble. Except… I probably shouldn't have said that. Santana's dad had tried to hide him by closing the door. But _why_ was a werewolf in their house? "W-why…"

His wand is pointing at me and I fumble for my own, but he's already speaking.

"Obliviate."

A strange whiteness fades, and I find myself standing in front of Santana's dad in their house. There's sweat on the back of my neck, and I'm not sure why. Did I run here? I try to remember, but everything is too blurry.

"Mr Lopez, I… I think I was looking for Santana?"

That had to be it. Why else would I be here?

"Of course, Brittany. The last I saw her she was in the cellar."

I nod and thank him, letting my feet turn and walk away. When I reach for the door leading down to the cellar, I notice my wand in my hand. That's weird. Why is my wand out? I tuck it safely away before descending the steps, wrinkling my nose as I do. Something down here stinks, like it's rotting. I can hear Santana muttering charms further away, but I can't hear what.

"Santana?"

"Wha- Brittany?"

"Yeah it's me," I call back, squinting in the darkness to try and find her. I should have left the door open. "Why's it so dark in here?"

"It's- uh, wait there! Don't move!"

"Why?" I shout back, taking a few steps forward anyway until my foot hits something soft and kind of heavy. I peer down, but it's too dark to see. I crouch instead, reaching out with my hand for the object. My fingers brush fur, but it's kind of sticky. The smell's got worse.

"Brittany!"

Something barrels into me and I hit the ground with a thud, panicking until I recognise the feel of Santana's body on top of me.

"Santana, don't do that! You scared me!"

"I'm sorry. Come on, let's get out of here."

"There was something on the floor, it felt like an animal," I tell her, trying to squint again to find it. It's impossible, it's pitch black. "What's wrong with the lights?" I ask again. She's holding onto my arm and tugging me towards the steps, then up them. I stumble a couple of times. How can she see where to go? So many weird things seem to be going on today, and Santana is being just as strange. "Santana, what's the matter?"

"It's nothing. I was just doing target practice."

"In the dark?"

"Yeah, I was listening to… to the targets."

She opens the door and light floods into the cellar, but she pulls me out before I can look back and the door clicks shut behind us. Her hand curls around mine properly as she grins at me, and I have to smile back as I take in her beautiful tanned face with dark hair curled just the way I like it.

"Sorry about that. You know how papá goes on about making my magic as good as it can be. Are you staying the night?" she asks as we walk up the stairs together. I'm still trying to work out what had happened in the cellar, but the new topic cheers me up as I recall persuading my mum with flowers earlier.

"Yeah! I have to be back at nine tomorrow though."

"Great. My parents are going out in a bit with some friends, so we'll have the house all to ourselves."

She whispers the last line in my ear as she pulls me through the door to her bedroom, and it sends a tingle through my body. I push the door shut behind me and pull her into a kiss, but then I hear Santana's mum's voice echoing up the stairs and I have to pull away to listen.

"We're off now, Santana! Don't stay up too late!"

We listen together to the sound of footsteps and the door slamming, and then the house is silent. I turn my eyes back to Santana and find her already watching me.

"Waiting for permission?" she teases, leaning in to nip at my neck. She continues kissing there and my eyes start to flutter shut – but then they snap fully open when I notice something on the side of Santana's face. It's red. It's the kind of red that my little sister always gets on her knees when she trips over.

"S-Santana, you're bleeding…"

She pulls back, looking at me quizzically, and I point to her neck. Again, something strange. What's going on? She reaches up to rub at the spot, and… it all wipes away. There's nothing underneath, nothing that could have made her bleed. She shrugs, stepping close again.

"Don't worry about it, Britt," she murmurs, tugging me towards the bed.

But I can't help but worry. When she starts pulling my dress over my head, I'm trying to work out where the blood came from. When she's planting kisses over my stomach, I'm thinking of the strange conversation with Santana's dad and how I don't remember anything after knocking on the door. Even when I'm grinding against her thigh with my fingers buried deep inside her, I wonder what that thing was on the cellar floor.

She's snoring, and I'm still worrying. I roll over, out of her light hold, to sit on the edge of the bed. Something just feels off. It's like I've got a lump in my throat that's making me feel sick, but I know I'm not going to be. Or like there's something trapped in my stomach trying to get out. The smell from the cellar keeps coming back to me. I stand and walk over to the bathroom attached to Santana's bedroom, hitting the light switch and walking straight to the sink. I turn on the tap and lean down to drink – and I see the redness again. But this time it's on me.

My legs feel shaky as I straighten, lifting my hand to examine the smudge of blood on my fingers. It clicks in my head – this is the hand I used to touch the sticky fur of whatever had been on the floor of the cellar earlier. I stand there, my mind buzzing. It's so stuffy in here – I can't breathe. I make a decision and turn, walking back into Santana's room and gathering up my clothes from the floor, quickly getting dressed and picking up my wand from where it lies next to Santana's on her desk. I check on her one last time, but she's breathing heavily. I leave the room.

I don't know if her parents are back yet – I haven't heard them, but they might have just been quiet, so I try and stay quiet as well. I creep down the stairs, clutching my wand tightly as I make my way to the cellar door.

"Lumos," I whisper the moment it's open. The stairs creak under my feet, but hopefully not enough to wake anyone. When I reach the bottom I pause, but I can't hear anyone else moving about so I just step forward and point my wand in the direction of the thing I'd walked into.

There's definitely fur. Ginger fur. Is it a fox? Is it hurt? I move closer, but slowly so I won't scare it, and drop to my knees. The fur turns shiny when my wand gets near – too shiny. It shouldn't be that shiny. Or that red.

I wonder distantly if I'm actually going to be sick this time. I squeeze my eyes shut as the smell takes on new meaning – and then I remember the blood on Santana's neck, and her mention of "target practice", and I bend over, bile rising in my throat. No. _No_. Santana wouldn't do this!

I stumble to my feet, lifting my wand and swinging it around me. Bloody balls of fur, everywhere I look. It's not all foxes though. There's hedgehogs. Lots of rabbits. I'm shaking so hard the light from my wand is flickering. I try to walk backwards, but my foot just hits another animal. My wand slips from my fingers, and when it hits the floor the light goes out, leaving me in darkness. I fall to the floor, fumbling for it, but wherever I touch there's more fur and stickiness and dead weights and I don't want to keep reaching but I have to get out of here – my fingers scrabble and finally the stick of wood rolls under my fingertips.

"Lumos!" I gasp, regretting it instantly when the spell just lights up the blood-stained floor and the surrounding animals. I stagger to my feet and spin, jumping up the stairs two at a time. I don't worry about anyone hearing this time – I barely remember to shut the door to the cellar behind me before running up to Santana's room. Once inside I walk straight to the bathroom, clicking it shut and locking it. My back slides down the polished wood as I slump to the floor, wand clattering out of my hand onto the tiles.

_"It's nothing. I was just doing target practice."_

Tears start to fall, and for just a moment I'm grateful that Santana's a deep sleeper.

* * *

_September 1997_

Hogwarts is different now. There's too many people missing. Sam, Matt, Justin, Mercedes, Rory… I can't list all of them without forgetting someone, and that makes me feel bad so I stop trying. And the people who are here don't smile as much. Everyone's scared. Like Santana, really, except she's pretending she's not. But I can see it. Every time she looks at her Inquisitorial Squad badge; every time she gets a letter from home; every time she has to go supervise detention. I'm scared for her more than I am for myself.

I used to like school. I wasn't very good at some subjects, but most of the teachers were nice, and Santana used to help me practice my spells. Defence Against the Dark Arts wasn't very fun last year with Professor Snape teaching it – but now it's way worse. Professor Carrow is in charge. And he's not even pretending to teach defensive stuff. For the first few classes it's fine because it's just him talking. He seems to like listening to himself talk. Or at least, he hates it when anyone interrupts him.

But now I'm standing in the middle of the classroom with all the desks moved to the side, and he's not just talking at us. He's pairing us up. Santana moves before I can turn to her, and she's paired with Neville. I'm told to stand next to Tina instead. I try to ask Santana with my eyes why she left me, but she won't look at me. She's staring determinedly at Professor Carrow. She's ignoring me on purpose, and it hurts.

"-the best curse you know. I will be circulating. Don't think you can fake anything and get away with it," Professor Carrow hisses.

For a moment there's silence in the room. I'm trying to work out if I heard him right, and I think other people are wondering whether they should do as they're told or not. Professor Carrow's scowl deepens and he opens his mouth to speak again – but before he can, a flurry of spells suddenly cross the room.

"Conjuncto!"

"Aurisesco!"

"Flagrato!"

"Protego!"

Jacob and Sugar fall to floor, Jacob moaning as he claws at his suddenly shrivelled ears and Sugar scrubbing furiously at her eyes. I swivel to make sure that Santana is okay, and find her wand pointing straight at Neville. His wand is up too, and between them something shimmers in the air, like a heat wave. Professor Carrow hovers nearby, watching with interest. Santana shifts, then jerks her wand forward sharply. Neville's shield shatters and the curse pushes him back onto the floor to join Jacob and Sugar, burns blistering all over his body.

"Excellent work, Lopez! You too, Crabbe and Bulstrode. 30 points to Slytherin. Now _why_ are the rest of you just standing there?" he demands, spinning to glare at the rest of the room.

My eyes meet Tina's. She looks as scared as I feel. He can't actually want us to do real curses. I'm sure what Santana just did wasn't a real curse – it just looks bad. Should I try and do that? But I don't even want to pretend to hurt Tina. Tina's nice. I like Tina.

"No, it's not righ-"

The voice from across the room turns into a yelp and I spin about to see Kurt curling up on the floor, whimpering. Professor Carrow stands above him, wand pointing down. He raises it then swivels on one foot, aiming every so often at a student staring at him.

"Does anyone else disagree?" he whispers, his voice barely loud enough to hear over Kurt's moans. His wand pauses for a moment, pointing straight at me, and my breath gets stuck in my throat – but then it moves on to someone else. "I want to see what you're made of. And you do _not_ want to see what_ I _am made of," he warns softly. Sparks fly from the end of his wand, and someone whispers a jelly-legs jinx. Their partner topples to the ground at the same time as others copy with the same, or body bind curses – but it still isn't satisfying Professor Carrow.

"First Years can do better than that! Pierce, Cohen-Chang – get on with it! Do you want me to show you what a real curse is?"

I spin to face Tina, lifting my wand – but she's shaking, and I _still_ don't want to curse her, even if it's just jelly-legs. Why should I do that? Just because Professor Carrow says so?

Tina cries out and drops to the floor, shaking even more than she was before as boils break out over her skin, like the ones on Neville. I drop to my knees in front of her and reach out to try and help, but she shuffles away and won't even look at me.

"Good work, Pierce. 10 points to Hufflepuff," Professor Carrow says from above. I look up quickly to tell him it wasn't me, but Santana is behind him, and she's shaking her head. I look again at Neville, then Tina. It's exactly the same curse. Did… did Santana do this? Is it the same as what she did on Neville, that doesn't really hurt? It sounds like it hurts, though. Neville's standing again, and coming over to help Tina up. He glares down at me, and I shake my head to try and tell him it wasn't me – but then I stop. There are tears on his cheeks, and they make my stomach churn. Is he really hurt? Is Tina? Had… had Santana hurt them?

I confront her as soon as we're out of the classroom, tugging her sleeve to pull her away from everyone else. They're all quiet except for the ones who are crying, and I don't want them to hear this.

"Was it you?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course."

"But… I mean…" I don't know how to phrase it without accusing her. Won't she be upset if I accuse her? But at least then she'd tell the truth, right? "Did you hurt them? It looked like you hurt them."

"Oh c'mon Britt, don't worry about it, they're fine. It's just a few spots," she says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me back towards the staircase.

"They didn't look fine, though. Neville was crying."

"Well Neville's a wimp. And it's nothing like what Professor Carrow would have done to you. I was just looking out for you, okay?"

"I…"

"It was for your own good. I've got to protect you."

"By hurting them?"

She shrugs, but I can see from her face that she's not quite convinced by what she's arguing. If she's not convinced, how can I be?

"It's for your own good. But next time you can't just hang back. Do something little, okay? Just jelly-legs. It'll be fine. Okay?" she repeats again, knocking my hip with hers and smiling reassuringly.

"Don't hurt them again."

She sighs. "I was just looking out for you Britt, it's not a big deal."

"It is, though! It's… it's scary. _You're_ scary sometimes, Santana," I tell her earnestly. The memory of her cellar floor covered in dead animals comes back to choke me, and I have to take a few moments to slow my breathing. I've been trying so hard not to think of that, because when I do think of it… I just don't know what to do. I pull away from under her arm that suddenly feels like an overbearing weight, remembering that was her wand arm. That was the arm she used to hurt those animals; to hurt Neville and Tina. "I don't like it. I don't like you at the moment."

"I'm not going to stop protecting you, Brittany," she replies quietly, staring at the ground. "I can't."

"Well I don't like it when you protect me like that! I wish you wouldn't. Please don't."

"I can't. I have to look after you."

"Santana…"

She steps back, shaking her head. She looks so sad – but she also has that look that says she's not going to change her mind even a little bit. I _hate_ that look sometimes. "I'm sorry Brittany. I know you don't like it, but I have to. I can't let these people hurt you."

"Let me look after myself!" I cry out, but she's still shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, Brittany," she whispers, not looking at me now as she turns away and starts walking towards the stairs.

"Santana!" I shout after her, but she doesn't even look around. I don't understand. Why does she think she knows what's best? Hurting Tina isn't what's best! And she doesn't need to look after me all the time! Okay so maybe I let her look after me a lot before… but I can't do that now. I have to look after myself, just like I said I could. And I can. It might be hard… but I can look after myself just as well as she can, without hurting anyone else in the process.


	2. Detention

**Another little disclaimer I forgot to make in the first chapter, and that's just that the characters here are pretty AU - Santana's grown up with Death Eaters for parents and that has certainly had an effect on her. Also this is the worst chapter in terms of angst I think.**

Detention

_November 1997_

Santana never talks to me about anything serious now, but I hear other people talk. I know what they say she's doing. I know why Tina and Quinn won't speak to her anymore, and I'm terrified everyone is right. I try and tell myself that Santana wouldn't do those things – not my Santana. But sometimes at night, when she's asleep in my arms, I remember her cellar and how she hurt Neville and Tina. I'm scared for her. Scared where she's going, what she's becoming. So fucking scared… But, I have to be brave – I have to help her, as well as look after myself. She's always looked after me so well, so now it's my turn to be the strong one.

Except to help her, I have to know if the talk is true.

I try not to think about what I'm planning as I rise from my chair. Even though I don't think what everyone's saying about Santana is true, I know what Professor Carrow is like. I can feel Santana's eyes on me instantly, her hand scrabbling at my sleeve and trying to tug me back into my seat. I pull away, my feet moving across the small classroom to Professor Carrow's desk. She's watching now, daring me to step closer. I do, and her quill clicks against the desk as she drops it, leaning back in her chair. It's hard to breathe, and I can feel everyone watching.

"I don't understand."

She lifts one eyebrow, and it's enough to make me want to flee back to my seat. I open my mouth again instead, willing myself to speak. I can be strong.

"This doesn't make sense. This book. It's wrong."

"And what, precisely, is wrong about it?"

"Nothing," Santana's voice snaps behind me, her fingers clenching around my arm. She's trying to protect me again, even though I told her not to do that. "She's confused. I'll explain to her."

Professor Carrow's eyes are icy as she surveys us, considering. Santana is tense next to me, coiled up as tight as a spring.

"Be certain to explain very well, Lopez. I do not appreciate interruptions."

She's trying to lead me back to my seat, but I stiffen the muscles in my arm and don't let her. She turns, eyes wide and pleading. I'm not doing this to have her come and rescue me. I'm doing this to find out the truth.

"No."

Professor Carrow returns her gaze to me, curiosity shifting to something more resembling anger. Santana's nails dig into my skin.

"I know what the book's saying. It's wrong. Muggles aren't below wizards."

"Brittany-"

Santana's voice breaks and fades at the same time as the sharpened end of Professor Carrow's wand pokes at my throat.

"Are you trying to tell me I am the same as a _muggle_?" she whispers, leaning forward over her desk. She's standing now. I don't remember her standing. I gulp, and feel a twinge of pain as the wood scratches me. Santana's hold loosens, her fingers sliding down my arm to find my hand. I squeeze, drawing strength from her presence even though I know she's silently begging me to back down.

"No. I'm telling you you're worse than a muggle. Most of them, anyway. Because you think you're better. And you're not."

The pressure on my neck disappears, but then something hard knocks against the side of my face. My knees hit the ground and I don't know what's just happened, but my cheek is stinging and when I look up, Professor Carrow is towering over me, her hand still raised.

"Detention, Pierce. Tomorrow, in the dungeons. Get back to your seat, or do I have to put you there myself?"

I push myself up from the floor, my whole body shaking. No one's ever hit me before. I don't look back at Professor Carrow – I think if I do I might start crying. There are tears in my eyes already and I don't want her to see that I'm upset. I'm strong. I'm strong, and I can deal with this – because if what everyone's saying is right, I'm going to have to be really strong to get through detention.

It's done, though. I settle back in my seat, staring at my book. Santana's not even pretending to read; I can feel her watching me. She's shaking too. Her hand's trembling against my leg, and I reach out to take it. I'm sorry, Santana. I'm sorry, but I have to know…

* * *

There's a stench in the dungeon air. I don't know what it is, but it reminds me of Santana's cellar and just that memory makes me feel sick. One of the Gryffindor prefects is here too, and Dave Karofsky. I never liked him before. He pushes people around a lot, but he looks scared too. I wonder what he did to get detention – it looks like he's been fighting.

There's a creak, and the door swings open. The smell is worse now, and the prefect and Dave glance at each other before heading inside. I follow too. I can feel my heart beating really fast, but I'm here on purpose. I'm here to find out if the rumours are true. I can't back out now, even though my heart feels like it's going so fast it might pop.

"Get in 'ere Pierce," Filch snarls. He hasn't liked me ever since Third Year when he accused me of trying to steal Mrs Norris.

I hurry inside, but stop in the doorway when I see Santana there. She's not meant to be doing detention duty tonight. What if everyone's right? Will she do that to me? If she does it to everyone else too then why should I be any different? But she's staring at me and I can see she's been crying already.

"Along the wall," Filch orders, grabbing my shoulder and shoving me towards Karofsky and the other boy.

I stumble, knocking into Karofsky, but he doesn't yell like he would normally. He meets my eyes for a moment then helps me back to my feet, turning me so we're all in a line, facing Santana and Filch. Filch is grinning at Santana, his arms crossed.

"Well Lopez? You wanted to do this detention. Better get started, eh?"

She nods, fumbling for her wand. I've never seen her fumble for anything before.

"Colloportus."

It's whispered so quietly I'm not even sure what the spell is – but then something clamps around my wrists, pulling them up and yanking me back against the wall. When I look up there are manacles holding me in place. I clench my fists, forcing the shakiness out of myself. I won't shake. I'll be strong. Even though everything inside me is starting to realise that maybe this was a bad idea. No, not bad – _stupid_.

"Lopez get on with it, I'm gettin' bored here."

She's trying not to look at me, but every so often she does anyway, and the expression on her face makes me think even more than before that this was stupid.

"I thought… Doesn't Professor Carrow want the other Seventh Years to practice?" she muttered, starting to pace.

"The Professor didn't say anything like that to me. Get on with it!"

She squeezes her eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths, then seems to make a decision. She walks slowly, away from me, until she's standing right in front of the Gryffindor prefect. Her wand rises, her eyes close, and she whispers something even quieter than before. I don't know what it is – but then the boy starts screaming. I jump, knocking my head against the wall and instinctively trying to pull away, but the manacles cut into my wrists. He stops screaming after only a few seconds, but it seems to keep echoing around the dungeon in time with his whimpers. It's enough to confirm that everything I was told is true. I thought they were exaggerating. I thought they'd got it wrong. I thought Santana would never do that. Am I too late? Is my Santana already gone?

She's stepping over to Karofsky now, still not looking at me. This time I can hear the crucio as she whispers it. Karofsky doesn't scream, but he's shaking so much he knocks into me and he's breathing so fast and I can see tears. Karofsky's crying. Santana's hurting Karofsky so much she's making him cry. _Karofsky_. It stops suddenly, but Santana stays in front of him. But Filch doesn't let her stay – it's only a few seconds and then he's yelling from across the room again.

"Come on Lopez! Don't think your girlfriend gets off easy 'cause you're here. _I'm _still in charge."

I wince at his words. We'd given up on secrecy last year, but we still hadn't really been open about it. If Filch knew, that was going to make this even worse…

Santana steps in front of me, and this time she can't look away. She's crying again, and it's my fault, because I made this happen. But – she should be crying about Karofsky and the other boy too. Not just me. She'd just cruciated them. She could go to Azkaban for that! If… if things were normal, she'd go to Azkaban for that. But just because things weren't normal, that didn't mean this okay.

"Don't do this anymore, Santana," I whisper, hoping I'm quiet enough that Filch won't hear. He's glaring suspiciously at us, so I speak quicker. "You shouldn't do this. I know your parents say you should but they're wrong. This is wrong."

"I have to…"

"No you don't."

"I do. You don't get it. I just… I don't have a choice." She's staring at the wall next to my head, and her voice is dull. There's no fight. Where's my fighting Santana gone? When did she give in to this? How didn't I notice?

"You do!" I tell her again, louder, then I remember I'm meant to be quiet. "Please, Santana. For me."

"I can't."

"So why haven't you cruciated me yet? Like you did the others?" I demand. The sound of her giving up pierces my insides. I can't let her give up! "Are you going to hurt me? If you can't stop, you have to hurt me too. Like them. I'm just the same as them." I don't know if she'll hurt me. She never has before – she's always stopped other people from doing that. She hexed Jacob in Third Year for accidentally knocking me off my broom. But will she now, when she says she can't stop?

"Santana Lopez."

The frosty voice from the doorway sends a chill through me, and I just want to reach out and hold Santana close at the sight of Professor Carrow stepping into the room, her wand ready in one hand.

"What is this I hear about you not doing your Inquisitorial Squad duty? _Everyone_ chained to that wall deserves the Cruciatus Curse. Do not disappoint me now."

"I… you said you wanted other students to do it!" she mutters, stumbling over her words. "The other Seventh Years. You wanted them to try it."

"Oh I do," she replies smoothly. "But not tonight. Tonight, I want _you_ to do it all. You volunteered, after all. I would hate to report back to your parents that your eagerness was just to let off Miss Pierce easy. She must be punished for her impertinence."

"I…" Santana looks desperately between me and Professor Carrow, flinching into stillness when Professor Carrow marches forward. There's silence for a few seconds as they stare at each other.

"So. Your loyalty is not as strong as your father assured me," Professor Carrow hisses – and then the screaming starts.

I jump out to catch Santana as she falls but the manacles dig even deeper than before, cutting my skin as I keep struggling against them. Santana writhes on the floor, shouting much louder than the other boy had until finally, after far too long, Professor Carrow lifts her wand and the screams turn into muffled sobs.

"_That_ is a true Cruciatus. Do I need to demonstrate again? Or perhaps I should dispose of your… _distraction_…"

"No!" Santana jerks to her feet, almost falling again but managing to stay standing. "She's not a distraction. It's not a problem, I'll do it now, in front of you!"

Professor Carrow raises a challenging eyebrow, and Santana freezes for a second before turning to face me again. The tears are more obvious now, but so is her raised wand.

I try and nod to her that it's okay, that I understand, but I'm not sure she even sees it. She just closes her eyes, then lifts her wand higher and whispers the word.

The pain rips through me and I bite my lip to stop myself screaming, so hard I can taste blood. I can't scream. I have to be strong. I can't scream. I have to be strong. I can't scream-

I gasp desperately for air as the pain lifts, sagging against the wall and just the chains holding me up. Someone's speaking, so I force my eyelids open again only to let out a sob at the sight of Professor Carrow grabbing Santana by the hair and pulling her away.

"-what your father says about your weakness-"

"But, Professor – what about detention?" Filch asks urgently, trailing after her.

"That's all today, I don't have time to deal with them," Professor Carrow shouts back as she drags Santana out of the room. I can hear the Gryffindor prefect sigh in relief at the same time as Filch starts muttering to himself, but all I can think about is the look on Santana's face as she was dragged away.

* * *

She finds me that night. I stayed in the library late on purpose hoping she'd look in the corner we always study in. I was right, thinking she would – but I'm not prepared for the sight of her limping towards me, all smart in what must be brand new robes but with cuts running down one side of her face.

"Santana what did they do? Who did it? I'm sorry… I'm sorry I was stupid, I shouldn't have, I just… I wanted to know if what people said was true, I didn't think it was and I didn't think you would and… I…"

I clutch her tight to me, not sure if I'm hanging onto her or if she's hanging onto me. I don't care. I just need her close. Having Santana close like this reminds me the old Santana must still be here – even though she's disguised by this new, scary Santana.

"You're not the same as them," she whispers, her fingers digging into my back.

I blink in confusion, trying to pull back to look at her, but she won't let me.

"I… what…? I am, I got detention just like-"

"You're _not_," Santana snaps, interrupting me. She pulls back this time, and I can see the tears glistening in her eyes again. "I can't imagine you're someone else!"

"…What?" I repeat. I don't understand what she's saying. Imagine I'm someone else?

"The others. All the others, I... curse. The ones who get detention. I pretend it's not them. That it's someone else. It's easier like that. But I can't with you, I can't forget who you are. Don't make me do that again! Please, Brittany, please… don't get detention," she mumbles, holding me close again.

"Don't do _that_ again," I beg her, tears springing up in my own eyes. "Tell them you don't want to anymore!"

"I _can't_!" Santana cries out. "Look!" She pulls back, gesturing at her face. "They'll hurt me. They'll hurt _you_. They might kill you. Especially after this. That's what Papà said. I have to protect you!"

"And… and what about me protecting you?" I whisper, lifting a hand to gently touch the cuts on her face. She flinches, so I drop it to her shoulder instead.

"Let me do what I have to."

I stare down at the floor, remembering again the sound of the Gryffindor prefect screaming, and the feel of Karofsky thrashing next to me. "We…" I take a deep breath, trying to get strength from somewhere. I don't think I'm very good at being strong, but I have to keep trying. "We can't be anything, if you're doing that."

She steps back so fast my hand drops off her shoulder and falls back to my side.

"What? But – Brittany, I need you. Please."

"We can be friends. I'm not just leaving you. But… we can't be together. What you're doing… it's not right, Santana. You know that, right?"

I hold my breath waiting for an answer. If she doesn't know that, maybe it's already too late. But her head drops and once again there are tears on her face.

"I know… but… can't we still…?"

"No. Not until it's over."

She starts crying properly at that, and I fold her into my arms, trying to stop myself from crying as well. I cry anyway. I'm not sure if I was hoping for her to just stop at the threat of losing me. I don't want her hurting people. But I don't want her hurt either. If I could somehow get her away from Hogwarts, away from her parents and the Carrows and everyone else who supported You-Know-Who, it might be okay. But I don't know how to do that. We're stuck here, on opposite sides of a war… and who knows how long it will be before it ends?


	3. Dumbledore's Army

Dumbledore's Army

_March 1998_

It seems like winter is finally fading – although when I said that to Quinn last week because we had a sunny day, she said I had to work on my metaphors. I see Quinn a lot now, but she refuses to talk to Santana, so it's kind of hard. It's also weird because they used to be so close, and now they're not at all. Quinn's busy a lot of the time hanging out with Terry anyway – I think they're dating, but she won't admit it.

No one really talks to Santana now though. I know why, but I can't just abandon her like that. I know she doesn't want to be doing any of this, and she thinks she doesn't have a choice. Sometimes I try and persuade her that she does, but she never listens. She still tries to protect me, too – but I understand that now. I know I can't get detention again, not after last time. I've got quite good at pretending to be bad at magic in Dark Arts class, so Professor Carrow just thinks I can't do the spells he's teaching. A lot of us have learnt silent protegos too, and then we just pretend to get hurt. I think that was Neville's idea.

I'm more used to this new Hogwarts now. But that doesn't mean it's okay. I want it back to normal. I want Santana back.

_"-blood traitor!"_

I spin on my heels at the shout and stumble back against the wall when it's followed by a scream. Millicent Bulstrode has her wand out and in front of her Hannah Abbott is slumping against a wall, gasping for breath. Millicent strides forward and grabs her hair, yanking her upright and continuing to shout.

"You think we don't know what you're up to? We know! And you're gonna pay for it! Dumbledore's Army? Ha, didn't you see poor Dumbley with his head cracked open last year? No one would mind if I chucked _you_ off the Astronomy Tower."

Hannah's wand darts out to press into the folds of Millicent's robes. "Stupefy!"

Millicent is pushed backwards, but the stunning spell can't be strong enough to knock her out – she rears up again looking even angrier than before, brandishing her wand.

"Expelliarmus!"

I haven't even thought about what I'm doing, but my wand is out and Millicent's own is flying towards me. I catch it – but then Millicent charges as well.

"Stupefy!" Hannah shouts again, knocking her off course. I run over to Hannah as Millicent tries to recover, not sure what to do now. I'd only meant to stop her hurting Hannah – not start a duel! But then I see Crabbe and Goyle approaching from the other end of the corridor, and I realise a duel is exactly what we've got. I pull at Hannah's arm, turning to run in the opposite direction – but Professor Carrow is right there. He scowls down at us, and I clench even tighter at her sleeve. This is bad. This is really bad.

"Take them to the dungeons. Make it an early detention," he hisses, shoving us to one side as he marches past, right into Millicent's waiting hold.

"Right then. Off we go," she whispers, plucking out of my hand both her wand and mine. Crabbe grabs Hannah's wand, and the three of them start pushing and prodding us down the single flight of stairs to the dungeons.

I can't keep my heart from racing – all I can think about is what happened last time. What if Santana's there? And I don't want to be cruciated again, it hurts so much! Maybe I shouldn't have helped Hannah – but no, I should have, that was right. But is this what Santana always feels like, being scared of getting hurt? Being scared of me getting hurt? Oh she's going to be so upset when she hears about this…

I hang onto Hannah's arm as long as I can, but as soon as we're in the dungeon they push us apart and we're chained to the wall just like before. Crabbe, Goyle and Millicent are standing in front of us, wands all out, with Goyle and Millicent glancing at Crabbe. He doesn't even notice, just steps closer and raises his wand, a maniacal grin on his face.

"Time to have some fun."

* * *

I can't think. I can't breathe. Every cell burns white-hot. My skull is being crushed, my skin torn apart. It has to stop. It has to stop soon. Please let it stop soon…

Miraculously, it does. I feel my body slump, but I can't see. There are muffled voices – an argument? The aftershocks of pain pulse through my body, but I try and concentrate. What's happening? What changed? Did Crabbe move back to cursing Hannah instead?

"-doing real detention duty."

"So what?"

"So you'll be in the way. Fuck off. Maybe do some studying? I know you don't understand the concept, but cursing isn't going to get you through your NEWTs."

"Fuck _you _Lopez."

I force my eyes open at that, squinting to see Santana facing down Crabbe, both of them with their wands out. Millicent and Goyle got bored and left ages ago, but Crabbe wouldn't stop. He'd been the worst. Millicent and Goyle's curses had hurt so much worse than Santana's – but Crabbe was different. I don't know what's different about him, but his crucios… I feel my body start to shake, and I try and think about something else. Santana and Crabbe are still talking.

"-don't care about that squib!"

"Yeah well you better unless you want to clear up the mess you make!" Santana retorts, gesturing at the door.

"Whatever, Lopez. The second your dad loses power, you're getting squashed!"

"Yeah, sure, I look forward to it."

She glares after him, slamming the door shut when he finally exits, and waits there for a few seconds, listening. Then she turns and suddenly she's in front of me, tugging away the manacles. I try to stand, but my legs start shaking again. She holds me close as I slide to the floor. I can hear her crying, but I don't think I have any tears left.

"Brittany I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here. What happened, what did he do?"

I try and take in what she's saying, but it's no good. I hear it all, but I don't understand. I still hurt too much. I can't think. She keeps babbling, but I stop trying to listen and just focus on the feel of her holding me. It's nice. It makes the hurt not so bad. It's been so long since she's held me like this…

I hear something behind me, and remember who else is in here.

"Hannah…" It comes out as a croak, but that doesn't matter. Santana's pulled back, and she's listening. "Help Hannah."

She doesn't move straight away, but eventually she gets up. I close my eyes, resting them, trying to rest myself as I listen to Hannah whimpering and Santana's struggle to help her down.

"We have to move, Filch will be here soon."

I nod, but stop straight away when it hurts my head. I open my eyes and reach for Santana instead. Her hands are ready and she pulls me up carefully. My legs shake again, but I can stand this time. I lean against the wall, breathing slowly and waiting as she helps Hannah to her feet as well. I cling onto her as she shuffles closer to wrap an arm around me, trying not to lean into her as we walk to the door.

The door slams open and I scream, falling backwards – but Santana grabs me and pulls me close. I huddle against her, shaking even though I can see now it's not Filch at the door. It's Neville, and behind him Kurt and Ernie and Parvati – all with their wands pointed straight at us.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" Santana snaps.

"Rescuing Hannah," Ernie snaps straight back, glaring fiercely. "What are _you_ doing?"

"What d'you think it looks like?" she snarls. I feel a stab in my side as her fingers dig in tight and gasp, and she loosens her hold. "So are you gonna help or not? Filch will be here any minute!"

Neville edges forward, suspicious, but Ernie is more eager and pushes past him to reach for Hannah.

"Serve you right if you got caught," he mutters, pulling Hannah away from Santana – but slowing when she groans. His attention disappears from Santana and focuses on her. "Hannah… Hannah, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Get her to the room, quickly," Neville mutters, watching as Ernie and Parvati carry her away then turning back to us.

Santana takes a quick step forward so she's face to face with him, and I wince at the sudden jolt of movement.

"What about Brittany?"

I gaze across at Neville, and see him looking right back, a sad look on his face.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to me.

"What do you mean, _sorry_?" Santana demands.

His attention turns back to her. "She's too close to you."

"What? So? She didn't do anything wrong! She's as hurt as Hannah!"

"And she's too close to you, and you're conveniently helping her and Hannah. It's too risky. Could be a trap."

"It's not a trap!"

He shifts uncomfortably, exchanging a look with Kurt.

"I can't risk everyone else we're keeping safe, on the chance you're doing the right thing for once. You're one of them. We can help you get away so no one sees, but that's it. I'm sorry."

I can feel Santana's rage building.

"I help Hannah get free and this is what-!"

"Santana," I mumble, interrupting her.

Her head darts towards me. "What? What is it, Britt?"

"Please… let's go." I'm too tired to argue with Neville and convince him Santana's doing the right thing. I just want to leave. I need to lie down somewhere, and every minute that passes is a minute closer to Filch arriving… to getting chained up again… "Please…"

She flicks her angry glare between me and Neville, and finally sighs. "Fine. Hurry!"

Neville turns, leading the way out of the dungeon at a slow enough pace that I could keep up, still hanging onto Santana. Kurt follows behind, but before we can get too far there's a noise.

"Quick, in here!"

I cling onto Santana as she ducks into the tiny alcove, trying to silence my breathing as I hear someone approaching. A few seconds later, Filch's voice fills the corridor.

"What're you kids doin' here, eh? Scram!"

I hear Kurt reply, in a surprisingly chirpy voice. "Sorry Mr Filch. We'll be gone soon, I promise. How's your day been?"

"Hmph… rubbish day, Second Year knocked over a cauldron of Swelling Solution. Gotta clean it up after detention. Wish I could put _that_ kid in detention, but no, Professor Slughorn just docked points. What good's that?"

I could hear him continuing to mutter as he carried on down the corridor, and finally Neville stands aside to let us out again. It's lucky Filch likes Kurt – something about helping him tidy in First Year. We keep walking, until finally we reach the edge of the dungeons, close to the Slytherin common room.

"You should be okay from here," Neville mutters, lowering his wand and turning to face us. Santana glares at him, then turns her back on him to face me.

"Don't worry. I'll keep you safe."

I nod, trying to fight the pain that's started surging through me again. I squeeze my eyes shut. I know she'll keep me safe. I feel a light tap on my head and something trickling down my back, and after a few seconds I realise she's disillusioned me. She doesn't speak to Neville or Kurt again, just wraps her hand gently around mine after a few seconds of fumbling and leads me away. I lift a hand to wave goodbye, and thanks – but they can't see me, so I put it down again. I try not to stumble too much as Santana leads me towards the common room, but every so often some pain shoots through my arm or my foot and my head, and that makes it really hard. It's like my body keeps forgetting that the curses have stopped.

A rush of cool air on my face helps get away from that, and I realise I'm now being led through the doors of the Slytherin common room. I haven't been in here at all this year – not on purpose, though. But maybe Santana made it like that on purpose, always suggesting we meet outside Hufflepuff. It's not that different to last year, but there are less people, and the students that are there are quieter. But it turns out the Slytherin common room is like Hufflepuff. But I think worse, because there are members of the Inquisitorial Squad skulking about. A tiny boy scuttles out of the way as we pass, fear plain on his face, and I remember that Santana's part of that too. It's not just Crabbe and Goyle and Millicent. Santana's doing everything they're doing as well.

She tugs hard at my hand, and I stumble forward into a walk again. I hadn't realised I'd stopped. She's glancing back but trying to act like she's not, so I focus on just following her rather than thinking too much. We get to her dorm, and luckily there's no one in there as she settles me down onto her bed.

"I have to get back to the dungeons, Filch will know I'm gone," she whispers.

"Hurts, S'ntana," I mumble in reply, burrowing my face into her pillow.

She crouches next to me, one hand caressing my cheek. I soak in her touch as much as I can, but it's not enough. With every breath, aches shudder through my body.

"I know, Britt. I'll bring healing potions later. Just try and be quiet now, okay?"

I nod with as little movement as I can as she closes the curtains around her bed, squinting across the room and keeping her silhouette in my sight until the door swings shut, and I'm left in darkness.

* * *

I don't know how long I've been here. I sleep sometimes. I lie awake sometimes. Occasionally there's food. A lot of the time I'm not sure if I'm asleep or awake. I dream that Santana's holding me, keeping me safe. I dream that someone finds me, and argues with Santana. I dream that Crabbe is leering over me, wand pointed and ready to hurt me again and Santana's not here and I can't escape – but Crabbe's gone and Santana's there instead and for a moment I feel happy, before I notice that her wand is pointing at me too and I don't know if she's going to hurt me or help me… except I blink and there's no one there. I'm staring at the closed curtains and there's no one. Was it a dream? I don't want to go back to it, but I can't keep my eyes open…

* * *

Noise knocks me out of sleep again – but this time it's different. My head isn't so fuzzy. The pain isn't so bad. I feel more awake now than I have been in a long time – the potions Santana brought must be wearing off. I stay silent, listening carefully to the rustling coming from across the room, trying to work out if it's Santana or not. The sounds come closer and I freeze up, then relax when I realise there's a disillusionment charm on me still. The curtain pulls back and I look up at Rachel, who stares somewhere over my head.

"Brittany? You are still there, aren't you?"

I nod, then speak aloud. "Yes." I'm not sure how she knows I'm here. I trust Rachel, but I don't think Santana would.

"Okay, good. I just wanted to check on you, after last time. How are you feeling now? Is the pain better? Your head?"

I blink several times, trying to follow the rapid onslaught of question. "Did… Santana tell you I was here?" I ask eventually.

She stares quizzically at my shoulder. "No. You saw her shouting at me. Don't you remember?"

I shake my head, then remember once again that she can't see me. "I… maybe. I think… there was a dream…"

Rachel stands quietly for a few moments, but that's obviously plenty for her because then she starts talking again at the same fast pace as before.

"Well it's Santana's own fault anyway for not renewing the disillusionment often enough. It's just lucky I was the one to spot you and not any of the others. Neville is very worried about you by the way, but of course I couldn't reassure him like I wanted to because if the wrong person had heard it would be very bad for you and for Santana – although personally I think you're more the innocent victim than her. Anyway, you should find Neville when you're out and about again and let him know you're okay."

"I'm leaving now." I don't realise I've made the decision till I hear it coming out of my own mouth, but then I'm caught by the sudden desire to be out of this place as soon as possible. Millicent sleeps here too, and Crabbe is so close – and Santana works with them. I stumble off the side of the bed and somehow Rachel catches me even though she can't see me.

"Hey Brittany, careful now. You haven't walked in quite a while."

"How long?" I mutter, putting one foot in front of the other and getting used to the action.

"Uh… four days, I think? Yes, four days."

It shocks me for a second, then I push it aside. "Can you help me get out Rachel?"

"Of course. But don't you want to wait for Santana-"

"No," I reply quickly, reaching out to hold her arm. I should wait, I know. But I just want to get out of here.

Rachel stands awkwardly as I position myself so she's supporting me but it's not too obvious, then we start towards the doorway. I can't walk fast, and we slow down even more going down the stairs. I can only hope no one notices when we arrive at the entrance to the common room – I don't even know what time of day it is. Santana must have class – or Inquisitorial Squad duty. Sickness fills my stomach but I manage to keep walking with just a little stumble. I have to get out of here.

We're almost at the exit now. Almost free. Almost away from where so many of the Inquisitorial Squad live…

"Hey dwarf! Yeah, you Berry!"

A sudden burst of energy pulses through me and I burst towards the door, Rachel pulled after me.

"Uh – I'll talk to you later, Pansy!"

The door swings shut on any reply, and I find myself shaking. Rachel sends a frown of concern in my direction – she must be able to feel it – but tugs me into a walk again and only stops when we're outside the Hufflepuff common room. Glancing from side to side, she pulls out her wand and taps the side of my head, undoing the disillusionment charm. As I become visible again, her eyes snap to focus on me, a second before she barrels forward to hug me.

"Ah – Rachel!" I mutter, trying to ignore the twinges of pain it prompts. She lightens her hug immediately, then pulls back.

"I'm very glad you're okay, Brittany. You look much better than you did two days ago. Get well soon, and just call if you require assistance from me!"

I nod, smiling. "Thank you, Rachel."

She beams back, then turns on her heel and starts back in the direction we just came. I watch until she's disappeared around the corner, and finally face the Hufflepuff common room. I've been gone for four days, and I can't tell anyone where I've been… This could be interesting.

* * *

"Hey, Brittany!"

"Brittany, you're okay!

"Miss Pierce! Are you alright?"

The questions follow me around all day. I don't know what to say to any of the people asking where I've been – I can't give away Santana. Who knows what they'd do to her. People keep saying nasty things about her – not to my face, but little comments to their friends as they walk away, when they think I can't hear. I want everyone to know she's not a bad person and that she's just been forced into this. But it's hard to say anything, when I'm not sure I believe it. It's not that I think she wants to do any of this. I know she hates it. She's in a horrible position. But she's still on the side of Crabbe, who hurt me so much. I don't know what to think anymore.

"Brittany!"

I turn in the corridor, ready for yet another person asking me where I've been and if I'm okay, only to find Neville hurrying towards me. His arms are around me and he's hugging me before I've had a chance to reply.

"Uh… Neville?" I'd hug him back, but it kind of hurts still.

He draws back. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Brittany, I'm just so glad to see you're okay! I thought… I thought I'd made a terrible mistake. I thought…"

"What?" I'm not sure if I understand him. Maybe it's the potions still messing up my head – or maybe it's just me not understanding like normal. With everything that's happened this past year I've had to make an effort to pay more attention and not be silly and make jokes, but sometimes I think I still miss things.

"You know. Leaving you with her. You just disappeared. And she wouldn't tell me anything."

"She wouldn't hurt me!" I protest. How could he think that?

Neville shrugs, not quite meeting my eyes. "Sorry. I was just worried. She…" He hesitates, and shakes his head. "Never mind."

And suddenly I understand why he'd think that – because she's just one of the Inquisitorial Squad. He's used to them all doing terrible things.

I sigh, then wince when another cry echoes down the hallway; this one much more familiar. I glance to the side to find Neville already holding open a door to an empty classroom. I smile at him. I remember being partnered with him in 1st Year, and he'd panicked so much when he accidentally set fire to a book. He's changed.

Santana darts in through the door a few seconds later to stare at me.

"Brittany what are you doing? Why are you up?"

"I'm okay, Santana," I assure her, closing the door so no one else can hear.

Santana glares at Neville and he crosses his arms, staring straight back. Her attention returns to me.

"Why did you leave? You were safe there, I was keeping you safe."

"I didn't feel safe. The Inquisitorial Squad were so close. I had to get out."

"I wouldn't let anything happen to you, Brittany."

I bit my tongue when the words 'you already did' rose up. That would hurt her, and I didn't want to hurt her. It wasn't her fault Crabbe had cursed me so much. I just wanted to make her understand.

"You can't stop me getting hurt. You can't control the others. And you do the same to other people."

"I try not to, and you know I don't want to-" Neville snorts, and she rounds on him. "Like you have any clue, doofus. You're the hero, everyone loves you. It's easy for you."

"Yes, it's really easy when the Carrows and your mate Crabbe decide to cruciate me some more," he snaps back. "You think I'm going to feel _sorry_ for you when you choose to be on their side?"

"I don't choose, I have to-"

"Shut up, Santana," he interrupts. To me surprise, she goes quiet. I listen carefully to Neville's words as he starts speaking again – it's so close to what I've struggled to put into words for so long, but harsher. Uncompromising. I hate hearing it, but I don't know how to argue. "You choose to torture instead of be tortured. You helped Brittany and that's great, but it doesn't make you a good person. You're not. You're doing terrible things and you know it, but you're doing them anyway. And why?"

"They'll kill me. My papà said so." Neville's face softens, but not as much as at her next words. "And… he said he'd hurt Brittany. Might kill her. He said I shouldn't be so stupid as to think I can get out of this. They're going to win. And as long as I'm on the Inquisitorial Squad, I can look out for Brittany. I didn't before, and I hate it. But even if I could leave… I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to do anything to protect her then."

"And what about everyone else?"

She shrugs, staring at the floor.

"You could help them too. They're just as worthy of your protection as Brittany is."

I wish I could shrink into the wall, away from this conversation. Away from Hogwarts completely. I could take Santana and we could get away from this horrible situation.

"What could I do? The Carrows would know."

"Not if you were clever about it. You're smart, Santana. You could help people avoid detention to start with. Lie for them. Don't curse them badly."

"Brittany?"

She's staring at me now, and I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to tell her I hate what she's become. She's shown me plenty of times that she hates it too. But maybe this could be a chance to try and get some of the real Santana back…

"Please," I whisper. "Do what he says."

She looks between the two of us, and without another word turns and leaves the room. I sag against the wall, staring after her. Was that a yes? No? Maybe? I had no idea. She was too distant for me to know.

"Do you think she will?"

I shrug, sighing. "I don't know. She's so scared. She's not like she used to be. I don't know her anymore, not properly."

I feel his arm drop around me, this time a little more awkwardly than before.

"What about me?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I do to help?" I'm not doing what Santana is, but I'm not helping Neville either.

"You already are, Brittany. Hannah told me how you stood up for her, and that was how you got detention. That helps. Even if it didn't turn out well – we need to stand up to them. We can't let them think we've given up."

I'm not sure I could do that again, not with what happened after. I don't even know how I'm going to face Crabbe in classes yet. I don't say that though.

"Do you think it'll be over soon?" I ask instead.

This time he hugs me properly, and I can hear some of the old scared Neville sneak into his voice as he replies. "I really hope so, Brittany."

* * *

Santana finds me later that night in the library. It's kind of become our meeting place lately – where we can't talk too much, but we can just be near each other for a while and pretend things are different. She drops down into a chair opposite me, one hand tapping at the tabletop and the other clutching a scrap of parchment. I put down my quill and wait – it's not like I was doing much work anyway. I was trying to catch up, but there's too much on my mind to concentrate.

Madam Pince is stalking nearby so neither of us can say anything, but after several tense minutes Santana finally drops the note and pushes it over to me. The two words are clear on top of it and a rush of gratitude runs through me.

_I'll try_.

I reach out suddenly to grasp her hand and hold it tight, and fight to maintain a smile through threatening tears. She manages to smile back, but I can feel her shaking. I clutch her hand tighter, praying that somehow, I can pull back the Santana I always loved – _my_ Santana.


	4. Battle of Hogwarts

Battle of Hogwarts

_May 1998_

"Britt I don't understand-"

"Shh, d'you want to get caught?"

I hold her hand tight and continue to lead her down the dark corridor. I'm surprised she hasn't guessed yet – but it has been a long time since we've done this. I'm walking as fast as I can while staying quiet, and soon enough we reach the staircase and start to rise. I glance back and see Santana's eyes widen in understanding. We used to come up the Astronomy Tower all the time, but this last year it stopped. Things have been going so much better the past few months though. Not perfect of course – in fact the Carrows are getting worse. I haven't seen Neville or Kurt or a load of other people for the past two weeks, but everyone says they're just in hiding, not hurt.

Santana, though – she's better. Still scared, but… she speaks more. I think she feels good about what she's doing. She doesn't hate herself as much. She's done everything Neville suggested, and more. She even tries to get as much detention duty as she can now – because she figured out a trick where she says bad spells, but actually uses nonverbal spells that don't hurt that much, and the students in detention just play along. I worry more about that, because every extra person who realises she's not cursing them is one more person who might hand her over to the Carrows. But she's doing the right thing and that's amazing – and it means I can finally start being closer to her again. I've missed her so much, but I want her to know how happy I am about what's she's doing. So that's why I've brought her up the Astronomy Tower. The end of term is coming, finally, and I don't know what the summer will bring – but I don't want to miss out on one last time sitting up here with Santana, where we can just be us.

I release her hand to throw out one of the blankets I had tucked under an arm, then settle down on it. I wait for her to join me, then wrap the other blanket around both of us. She sighs, and I see a tiny smile playing on her lips. I reach out to gently take her hand again, basking in the touch. We haven't been so close since the start of the year, and I've missed it so much. She rests her head against my shoulder tentatively, so I rest my head on top of hers. I reach out another hand, and she grasps it immediately. It's a bit tighter than is comfortable, but I don't mind. I'm just glad we're here.

We don't talk much – we never did, up here. I look out over the edge of the tower into the inky black sky, stars twinkling above and reflecting in the lake below. The forest is an ever darker mass stretching out from next to the lake.

Something crashes, and my head jerks up.

"What was that?"

Santana's tense too. I don't know what would happen if we were caught up here after curfew by the Carrows. There's only silence, though. I try and relax, and wrap one arm around Santana to calm her down too.

"I don't think it was anything. Don't worry," I whisper, and her head comes to rest on her shoulder again.

For a while longer it's quiet, and I start to relax again, but more sounds start coming through. The occasional echo of a shout. Another bang. Lights begin to shine from more windows in the castle, and soon it's obvious that something is wrong. I turn to face Santana to ask if she has any idea what, but she looks as worried as me. I don't even have to ask; she has no idea.

But a cold, high voice answers my unspoken question, and a terrible chill runs through my entire body.

_"I know that you are preparing to fight. Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood."_

Santana's on her feet, breathing hard, and I stumble up to stand next to her. We swivel together, searching for the source of the voice. My wand's in my hand and I'm not sure when it got there. The voice has stopped and I have the craziest, wild hopeful thought for just a second that maybe I imagined it – but then it starts again.

_"Give me Harry Potter, and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight."_

"Harry Potter?" I repeat numbly. That must mean he's back. And no surprise that You-Know-Who wants him, but… what did that mean for us? Until midnight? "What happens at midnight? Midnight – th-that's not very long at all," I whisper, turning to face Santana. She's staring out over the edge of the Astronomy Tower, and somehow the look on her face makes the terror inside me rise up and become almost overwhelming. I choke it down.

"He'll attack. He'd do anything to get Potter. He's going to attack, and anyone…" She takes a shuddering breath. "This is…"

"…Santana?" I murmur, when she trails off again. I squeeze her hand tighter, and she turns to look at me, determination filling her expression.

"You have to go. You have to leave Hogwarts, now. This is it – this is the end. They're going to fight, here. Neville and Potter and Dumbledore's lot – against You-Know-Who, and the Carrows, and all the Death Eaters – and the Inquisitorial Squad," she adds quickly.

"_What?_"

"I… I don't know who to fight for."

"Santana, you can't fight!"

"You told me to do what Neville said. Neville would say to stay and fight," she whispers, so quietly I can barely hear her. "But… the Carrows will go after me when they realise. And they'll win. Probably. Students against Death Eaters – of course You-Know-Who is going to win-"

"I know what I said before, but please listen," I interrupt her desperately. "People won't know which side you're on, they'll both attack you. You _can't,_ Santana!" I cling to her, praying she'll listen. "You said I have to go – you come with me. We'll both go. Get away from Hogwarts."

"And go where?"

"I don't know – but it's not safe here. We have to get out of Hogwarts, before midnight. You don't have to fight – and I'm not leaving without you!"

"Miss Pierce! Miss Lopez! What on earth are you doing up here?"

I stumble trying to turn to face the voice, only to find Professor Sprout staring at us both from the doorway. Faces peer out from behind her – some students, but others are adults I don't know.

Her eyes dart down to the blankets at our feet. "Weren't you in the Great Hall?"

I shake my head mutely as she steps further into the room, allowing the line of people behind her to enter properly. They make a circle around the edge of the tower, holding pots and earmuffs around their necks. There are a few I know, but no one stops to talk.

"If you want to stay and fight against Voldemort, stay – otherwise leave. Go to the seventh floor, left corridor, and you'll find the others being evacuated," Professor Sprout tells us, before turning to hurry downstairs again. I glance at Santana once, then take her hand and pull her through the doorway.

We clatter down the stairs, no longer worrying about stealth as panic starts to take over. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest so fast it almost hurts and I'm not sure I could speak if I tried, my throat is so tight. A muffled bang sounds and something rocks the castle, and I fall into Santana, reaching out for some sort of handhold to stop me tumbling down the rest of the steps. Somehow I catch the railing and pull both of us to a stop. We pause in the middle of the steps, both breathing loudly and looking at each other. It must be midnight.

She pulls me forward again and we reach the end of the stairs. She directs us left and we sprint down the corridor. Flashes of lights reflect in the windows from the grounds below, and each one makes me flinch until finally I'm used to it – and then the wall in front of us explodes into a million pieces. Someone screams – is it me? – then my back hits the floor and there's dust and rocks showering down from all angles, and the only thing I have to hold onto is Santana's hand. I roll closer and huddle into her, curled up and my ears still fuzzy from the volume of the blast. It fades, and then it's just dust floating down on us and I can dare open my eyes again. Santana's the first thing I see; the blood on her head the second. I reach out but she gets there first and wipes it away, leaving just a small cut. Relief rolls through me and I gradually climb to my feet, picking up my wand from where I must have dropped it a few metres away. I brush some dust off myself with one hand, then realise it will make no difference and reattach myself to Santana instead.

We start again, climbing over the rubble of the wall then down the corridor. At first we only jog, both of us still shaky, but the continuing shuddering of the castle makes us go faster and faster until we're running again. We must be close now, although I can't see any sign of people getting evacuated. Where are they all? And how did they even get out of the castle here? We stumble together to a halt as the left corridor ends in a staircase, staring at each other then back down the corridor. There's nothing here.

"Where are they all?"

"They must all have gone already. But… how…"

A particularly close explosion shakes the corridor and I fall into Santana with the realisation that whatever was here before is a dead end now – and that phrase could turn sickeningly accurate if we hang about to try and work out where the other students went.

"Come on," I hiss, tugging her down the next staircase. "We'll get out through the grounds," I call louder over the sounds of the battle. It sounds like we're just getting closer to it but even though I want to run in the opposite direction I know that leads nowhere. We have to go through the fighting to get out.

The staircase turns, and I half run into a woman I don't recognise. She pushes me to the side and I struggle to cast a protego quick enough, but she pays no attention – just runs straight past and down another corridor. I recover and start forward again, and this time when someone runs up I don't hesitate.

"Protego!"

A flash of red bounces off my shield, but shatters it too.

"Protego!" I shriek again, at the same time as Santana shouts something. The Death Eater crumples, twitching, and Santana pulls me down a side corridor. Part of me is in horror at what she just did – but that's stupid now, we have to defend ourselves to get out. I don't want to hurt people, but they're trying to kill me and Santana. They'd kill anyone. They're the ones who've made Santana do all these horrible things.

The tiny corridor opens up on a scene much worse; there are people scattered everywhere, Death Eaters and students and adults I don't know, all firing spells. All I can do is hold my shield and Santana as we stumble through the wreck of Hogwarts. I have no idea where we are in the castle – it's all blown apart, and who knows how many steps we've come down. How much further is it?

The next staircase has less people, but the carnage gets worse the lower we get, until finally shattered walls and tapestries and suits of armour turn into one empty corridor with a body sprawled out in the centre. I stop – I have to, to stare at Azimio. His face has an oddly blank expression, and both his legs are twisted at impossible angles. Dust has started to settle on him in a light blanket, and his Inquisitorial Squad badge is still pinned to his robes.

Sickness rises. I don't know what to feel. I turn to Santana, and without really thinking reach out to fumble at her own badge. She looks surprised at first but doesn't stop me as I tug it from her shirt then throw it as hard as I can. It bounces off a wall, entirely unharmed, and I collapse into Santana.

"That could've been you!" I cry into her, gesturing back at Azimio's body. I don't want to see it anymore. I wish I'd never seen it. I keep picturing Santana with twisted legs and a lifeless expression and it tears at me inside. I don't even know if I'm sad about Azimio being dead – and that hurts even more, wondering if people would think the same about Santana. Santana isn't like him!

"Protego!"

Something jolts me and I spin away from Santana as her shield collapses under a red flash.

"Lopez!" the Death Eater snarls, barrelling down the corridor.

I shout the first slightly offensive spell that comes to my mind. "Petrificus Totalus!"

His entire body freezes and he comes flying towards us, eyes wide and out of control. Santana grabs my arm and yanks me out of the way as he crashes into the floor and we run from both him and the body that used to be Azimio.

We must be almost at the bottom now, because every corner we turn presents more people and spells to avoid – and more corpses. I try to pause at the next body but Santana doesn't let me, dragging me past. I use curses – more than I've ever used before, but there's no choice because it's that or be killed. Hogwarts has been destroyed, and every spell thrown that veers off course into a wall smashes it apart more, but I can't worry about that either except when chunks of wall are thrown into our path. I can feel it every time something scrapes or hits me, and I can see the marks on Santana.

"Hurry!" Santana shouts unnecessarily as we stumble down the final staircase into the Entrance Hall. It's only recognisable by its size and the house hourglass crystals scattered all over the floor in a shower of colours. People are everywhere and I cling to Santana as we try to skirt around the outside and avoid the fighting.

"Santana! Brittany!"

I trip, skidding on the crystals as I try to turn towards Quinn's voice. She's running across the Entrance Hall towards us, blood streaking down one arm. I take several steps towards her – and the ground erupts. For the second time I'm flung back, but this time I can feel the roar push through me like I'm part of the explosion itself. I screw my eyes up but the rest of my body is powerless. I scream out as my shoulder slams into something solid and the rest of me follows. Everything is dark, and then too bright, and I can just about feel myself slump to the floor.

My ears are ringing too much to hear anything, but the more I blink the clearer my sight becomes until eventually I can make out blurred shapes – with one Santana shape crouching in front of me. I try to speak, let her know that I'm okay, but all that comes out is a croak. God my shoulder hurts so much… I gasp but I think it comes out as a sob. Another person shape arrives – this one blonde. Quinn?

Suddenly I can see and hear again. Quinn's pointing her wand at me and saying something to Santana. I struggle to concentrate through the sharp pain pulsing from my shoulder.

"-get her out of here."

"What about you?"

"I'm staying. Terry's here."

"Terry?"

Quinn sighs, shaking her head, and it occurs to me that it's the first time they've spoken since the start of the year. Strange, to think of that now, when people are dying around me…

"Forget it Santana. Just get Brittany out! Make sure she's safe!"

"I will," Santana promises. I glance down when I see movement in the corner of my eye, and see she's taken my hand – but I can't feel at all. Panic bubbles up, but then Quinn is gone and it's just me and Santana. Quinn can't go, she'll get hurt!

"Qui-!" I shout after her, but it comes out as a choke.

I'm rising off the floor, and try and force my legs to work so I can stand on my own. I can't though – I need Santana's arm hooked around me, and her body to lean into. Dizziness hits me in a wave and I nearly topple over again but Santana pulls me forward. I force one foot ahead, then the other, and my shoulder shrieks in protest but I know I have to keep going – not just for me, for Santana too. Spells come close but Santana deflects them all.

The outside air hits me hard, but it's the sight of the burning quidditch pitch and monsters in the grounds that make me shrink back. Giants, acromantulas, dementors – I can't think of them in any way but as monsters. Spells shoot everywhere, lighting up the grounds in flashes of red and green. We stand together there for a few moments, staring out at the chaos, but then an acromantula appears from nowhere, leaping over a fallen pillar towards us.

"Diffindo!" Santana screams next to me, and the spider crumples as one of its legs splits – but that just infuriates it more and after just a second's pause it gains even more speed. I fumble for my wand but I have no idea where it is, I must have dropped it. "Diffindo!" Santana tries again, this time turning and starting to run as much as she can with me hobbling along beside her. My shoulder feels like it's on fire and I cry out in pain with every step, but we have to keep running, we have to get away. If only I hadn't got injured, I wouldn't be putting Santana in danger like this. She's stopped shouting curses behind us and I risk a glance back to see the spider twitching grotesquely. I don't have time to work out if I should feel bad or not so I push the thoughts away, focusing all my fading energy on running. Every step jars more and I have no idea where we're going – just away, away from this madness, to somewhere we'll be safe.

The fence around the grounds have been destroyed in so many places it's easy to slip through, but even here so far from the school there's still chaos. We're getting further and further away, and the sights of the battle start to disappear behind us as we climb a slope dotted with towering trees, but the sounds still echo from behind; screams and explosions and crashes and the screeching of acromantulas. My legs collapse without warning and I fall to the ground with a thud, jolting my shoulder horribly and dust and dirt rising up around me.

"Brittany, come on!"

She reaches for my hands but that hurts my shoulder even more and I fall again with a cry.

"Thought you could run away that easy, Lopez?"

I twist my head to peer behind and see a girl standing with her wand pointing at us. Several spells flashing in the distance light up her face – Millicent.

"Well you look kind of far away from the castle – not running away too Bulstrode?" Santana snaps back, her own wand already half raised. I wish I still had mine – even if it would have to be left-handed, I feel helpless without it.

"Just chasing you and your pretty girlfriend. Should've known it'd be her to make you go traitor," she spat, taking a step closer. "Crucio!"

I hear the scream escape me as excruciating spasms spread to every part of my body – but it ends almost straight away and the pain retreats to just my shoulder. Millicent is panting on the floor, Santana's wand pointing at her. She edges in front of me, but I can still watch past her legs.

"Knew you liked the Cruciatus really," Millicent gasps, struggling up to her feet. I wish I could do the same, but I'm stuck until Santana can help me up.

"I never liked it," Santana snaps in reply. "I just did it when I had to."

"Ha, so you were a traitor all along. It _was_ you who helped Pierce and that other Hufflepuff escape – I knew it. Sided with Longbottom the whole time, huh?"

"I wish," Santana mutters under her breath – I don't think Millicent hears her though. She's still ranting about how she always knew Santana wasn't really a loyal supporter of the Dark Lord.

"And now what's going to happen to you when I bring you back captured – what'll your father say, Lopez? Think he'll be merciful? Even if he wants to be he won't have a choice, the Dark Lord will take care of-"

"Imperio."

Millicent goes silent, and I stare up at Santana. I've never seen her use that spell before – but I suppose it's better than the Cruciatus.

"Leave us alone. Go hide somewhere and don't come out until the battle's over. Don't tell anyone you saw us." Millicent nods and turns, walking slowly in the opposite direction. "Idiot," Santana mutters under her breath, shaking her head as she bends down to help lift me up again. "Are you okay?"

I nod – it's easier than giving a detailed reply, and I'm okay enough to carry on getting as far away as possible. I move as fast as I can, with Santana chivvying me on, but it's not very fast – the injury to my shoulder is hurting more and more. The trees are thicker, and I'm sure we can't be seen from the castle now – but we can still hear it, and we're too close. Santana's Imperius might break and Millicent could come after us, with real Death Eaters. We jog, then just walk, higher and higher until the ground is so rough we're both tripping – partly from the roots, and partly from exhaustion. I have no idea how many hours have gone by since that first message. Time slips past, and finally we're so far away that only the loudest explosions can be heard.

And then the high-pitched voice fills the air yet again, freezing us both mid-footstep.

_"You have fought valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen-"_

"Don't stop," I mumble to Santana, tugging at her sleeve to make her carry on walking. "It's not us. We're leaving. We're getting away. Don't listen to it."

"He'll kill me. You too."

"We can disapparate away," I say, even though I know I'm in no state to apparate anywhere. Maybe she could get away though – she's in more danger than I am. She shakes her head and doesn't even reply to the suggestion. We carry on in silence, pretending not to listen to the message for Harry Potter that's echoing across Hogwarts and all around.

"D'you think he'll go?"

Santana shrugs, and we continue struggling up the hill. It's steeper, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep going. I'm almost numb to the pain in my shoulder now, but every so often it throbs again. I know we're both listening out for another announcement by You-Know-Who. I want news – but at the same time, any news from him will be terrible news. Quinn is still back there, and surely Neville as well and so many other people.

When the voice echoes through the air again it's more distant than before, but the words are crystal clear.

_"Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone."_

"No-!" Santana whispers, staggering to a halt. All I can do is sink to my knees, the last of my strength finally slipping away.

_"The battle is won. You have lost half of your fighters. My Death Eaters outnumber you and the Boy Who Lived is finished. There must be no more war. Anyone who continues to resist, man, woman or child, will be slaughtered, as will every member of their family. Come out of the castle, now, kneel before me, and you shall be spared. Your parents and children, your brothers and sisters will live, and be forgiven, and you will join me in the new world we shall build together."_

The voice stops, and the silence returns – but now it seems deadly. Santana drops down next to me and I reach out, clinging onto her with one arm.

"So this is it. The end," she whispers. I think she's talking more to herself than to me.

I want to argue, but I don't know what I could say. Harry Potter's dead. You-Know-Who just said what was going to happen. I bury my face into Santana's neck at the brief thought of everyone I know still in the castle. I don't think we're safe, but they're definitely not.

"What do we do?"

"I don't know."

She shuffles back against a tree and draws me closer, careful to avoid my arm.

"I can't run anymore," I whisper. My legs are dead. My shoulder hurts. My vision is starting to get blurry again, and I only have Santana to hang onto.

"It's okay."

We stay like that for a long time, shivering and aching. No more sound echoes from Hogwarts.

"I love you, Santana. I always did, the whole year," I tell her quietly, trying to fight my closing eyelids. I want to spend these last few hours with Santana, but I'm too tired. It's getting light; we've been up all night, and I think I've used up all my fight. My shoulder hurts too much. But she has to know I love her. It can't change anything now, but I want her to know.

"I love you too, Brittany. You brought me back – to being myself. You're the best part of me."

I feel her lips softly press against the top of my head, and for the first time tonight real tears escape my eyes. I squeeze them shut, and shuffle closer to her.

Daylight arrives, and the forest fades.

I wake, and everything hurts. My shoulder most of all, but the aches stretch through my whole body. I shift, and Santana shifts as well – and I remember where we are, and what's happening. What happened last night. Hogwarts is gone, and we're in danger. We have to move. I lurch half to my feet before toppling, crashing back into the leaves and this time waking Santana.

"Brittany!"

"Shh!" I hiss, holding myself up with one arm and breathing heavily, battling the pain I just made even worse.

"Brittany! Santana!"

I move as fast as I can, shuffling back to Santana and turning my head to find whoever's shouting. Is it a Death Eater, come to find us? It would be strange for them to call us by name, but maybe it's a trap. Maybe it's Millicent again. Santana's arm wraps around me and helps me up, her wand already raised.

"Brittany! It's Quinn, where are you?"

My legs tremble in relief. She's alive!

"Here! Over here!" I shout – or try to shout. My voice comes out hoarse. I step forward, but sway straight away, dizziness rushing to my head. Santana keeps her arms around me, holding me steady.

"Here, Quinn!" she shouts instead. If this is a trap, using Quinn, then we're done for – but it's not like I can run anyway.

Two figures appear in the distance down the hill, and I feel Santana wave behind me. They start to hurry, and I wilt back into Santana when they're close enough to recognise. It's Quinn, and Terry behind her. Quinn's arm is bandaged, and the closer she gets the more I can see the cuts and bruises and dirt all over her. We must look the same, though.

She approaches us at a run, but stops at the last minute in front of me and then just hugs the side of my that doesn't have a hurt shoulder.

"You're alive," I murmur. I don't understand. What about that message from You-Know-Who last night?

"And you are! I didn't know, I couldn't find you and the last anyone saw you there was an acromantula after you – but your bodies weren't anywhere so I started looking, and found Millicent and she said she saw you this way," she mumbles into my ear, then pulls back and miraculously hugs Santana as well. I remember that they were friends before Hogwarts, long before I met either of them. I'd forgotten how close they used to be, before Santana and I got together and definitely before this year.

"But what about You-Know-Who?"

"He's dead. Harry Potter killed him."

"But… Harry's dead. The voice, You-Know-Who's voice-"

"It was a trick. I don't know how, but it was a trick, he wasn't really dead," Quinn replies. She steps back to look at both of us. "You need to get back to the castle – Brittany needs her shoulder healing. People are worried about you. Both of you," she adds, glancing at Santana.

"I doubt that," Santana mutters. I reach for her hand and hold it tight.

"Neville is especially. And some of the other students – Rachel said how you smuggled an owl out for her to Finn. Parvati said you never cursed her in detention properly. And Lisa that you got her out of detention completely. You… you never said you were doing any of that," she mutters, not looking at Santana.

I feel Santana shrug behind me. "I couldn't. Not without giving myself away. And… I wasn't doing it all the time," she admits quietly. "Just at the end. Just after Neville and Brittany talked sense into me."

"Even so. I'm glad. And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

A wave of dizziness hits me again, and Santana catches me just in time.

"Okay, we need to get back to Hogwarts," she says loudly near my ear. I try and get to my feet again, but then Terry steps forward and lifts me. I'm tense for a moment, then relax as Santana's hand finds mine. I stare up at her as we start the long journey back to Hogwarts.

Back to Hogwarts. I didn't think that would ever be possible. We survived. Both of us – and Quinn, too. It's in pieces now – and we kind of are too – but that doesn't matter. The year is over. The Death Eaters are gone. You-Know-Who – Voldemort – is dead. So maybe, finally, Santana and I can be happy again.

I squeeze her hand and she smiles down at me, and for the first time in a far too long year, I know we're going to be okay.

* * *

**And that's the end! Hope you all enjoyed, let me know what you thought :)**


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